Grief

Happy Birthday, Dad. I was listening to a video essay by Khadija Mbowe, Stans: The perk and price of celebrity, and something she said made me pause the video and stare into the void. “As someone who has lost a parent, it took me three years to start feeling like myself, like a person in …

Anniversary

You ever have one of those moments when you just giggle to yourself. It’s a private joke that only you implicitly understand or one that if you explained wouldn’t be as funny to anyone else because 1) they don’t have your sense of humour and 2) nobody likes it when you have to explain the …

Displacement

As I watched my mentor's twins celebrate their birthday surrounded by all their day ones (friends they had known as long as they had been alive) in the house they had grown up in I felt a pang of ennui. Moved around so much in my teenage years, I swear down I still got motion …

Poetic thoughts #7

And just like that my day is ruined I saw your name on my phone and smiled but then I saw the message I AM CONFUSION I read and re-read to try and make sense of what you're saying "... lets be friends" That line stings because although we were friendly, we were never friends …

Finish line

I really did it, 30 day straight of content. Consistent blogging for a month, honestly if you would have told me I would have accomplished this at the start of the year I probably would have hit you with Yeaaaaah suuuuure. What have I learnt I hear you say, firstly I learnt that I can …

Peace

Yesterday I lay in my bed, durag and sleep mask on with soothing bed time meditation music playing , wide awake. Even in an ideally peaceful situation my mind wouldn't switch off as one thought dominated my brain - I need to find a role. I should start by saying I am grateful to have …

Mixed feelings

I only got a Facebook account back in the day to talk to this girl and that small prompt opened me up to a world of connections. At the time I was living in Nigeria, so being able to find and reconnect with friends and family back in the UK was massive for me. At …

Happy

I am feeling really good despite learning some horrible news. On another day, this would have completely wrecked me but friends, family and what I can only imagine are an abundance of prayers have kept me not just okay but good. I saw this image earlier today and it reminded me how quickly feelings can …

Arise o compatriots

Going back home really made me appreciate my privilege of being British. That sounds wild and it is, it was a privilege I didn't even know I had but became readily apparent in comparison to my contemporaries and friends. I became aware of the distinct advantage I had over people no different to me and …

Built different

Down one point with 16.8 seconds left on the game clock, the Lakers inbound the ball to LeBron James. Guarded by Jimmy Butler, LeBron is about to receive a pick (when a teammate attempts to block a defensive player away from the person he is guarding) from Danny Green which draws his defender Duncan Robinson …

Little victories

It might seem premature but I'm going to congratulate myself today. I am proud of myself for the consistency I have shown over the last 24 days. A blog a day without fail. I am impressed because before this point I had 19 in just over 2 years. With the ramp up I have seen …

Excerpts of an awards speech

...I write to tell stories of the black British experience because I believe in the power of representation. Stories can be an escape from reality yet seeing a reflection of yourself in them is a powerful thing. I write so that more people like me see themselves in my stories and others can be shown …

Poetic thoughts #6

Love at first sight but I'm not shallow and neither are you You are so much more than the visual; funny, inspiring and bright When you speak, the wisdom flows and I agree with your entire worldview Still you know your personality isn't what attracted me Overwhelmed I am with how good you look, your …

Breaking the cycle

Me: I need to stop this, I really can't go on like this 😫 Inner me: What is it this time friend? Me: I'm so bloody tired and I have only myself to blame 😩 Inner me: Our sleep hygiene has been terrible recently 😪 Me: And what for, to watch the Lakers' play like …

Poetic thoughts #5

There once was a boy who wanted to change the world he longed to spread happiness and healing he desired this so bad, he meditated day and night One day from within the black boy a gold spark was lit this spark became a flame so intense the boy's eyes once brilliant brown became an …

Poetic thoughts #4

I grin like an idiot because your smile makes me melt  you are buffer in person, rah I’m actually nervous   My eye contact is unnerving but you are the only thing I want to look at  are you looking away because I’m boring you or creeping you out You make a joke and as …

Lazy

Today was a lazy day. In terms of what I planned to do in my head and what I actually achieved, I feel unfulfilled. There is this imaginary version of myself that did all the writing I wanted to do today, some touch notch work, and still had the energy to drive his Mum down …

Feelings

This week I have found myself in my feels a lot. I think of myself as emotionally available but balanced so I was a little perplexed. Talking with my therapist today she suggested a reason for my recent low mood - projection. This is when people take unwanted emotions they don't like about themselves and …

Diligence

Although it appeared to be written in the stars, the Los Angeles Lakers reaching the NBA Finals was still a feat made all the more impressive when the environment is taken into consideration. Being labelled the favourite can be as much a gift as a curse (see the Clippers) so it should not be understated …

Poetic thoughts #3

The scream swallowed up My stomach lurches upward Oh to be alive Peace and Love Aharoun the Author 15/30

Authenticity

There is something about being seen, I mean truly seen. I have encountered more and more friends and family that truly see me and inspire me to be me.  It is so powerful when you share something and someone can relate to you, it reminds you that you aren’t alone and that is a liberating …

Little wins

As I drove to my aunt’s studio I smiled to myself. Here I was driving her jeep with such ease I barely considered the significance. I remember the first time I saw her roll up with her navy blue Porsche Cayenne. I instantly adored it as she let me sit in the drivers’ chair with …

Poetic thoughts #2

I doze for secondsTime I lost last night while upI am paying now Peace and Love, Aharoun the Author 12/30

Poetic thoughts #1

The Summer sun fadesWeary I know what that meansAutumn is here now Peace and Love, Aharoun the Author 11/30

In my blood

My first memory of driving was the Legoland driving school. I remember zipping around the enclosed roads, not a care in the world at what felt like superhuman speeds (in reality maybe 5 mph). I was a natural and got my Legoland license at the first attempt. That was the beginning of a life long …

Groundhog day

My therapist often corrects herself. She will instinctively change girl to young woman for example when we are talking because she understands the power of words and how it can be offensive to use the wrong label for someone. This display of empathy is one of the many things I appreciate about her. I can't …

Mortality

I remember watching a play Notes from the Field with a friend. During one particular scene Anna Deavere Smith, who created, wrote and performed the play, was in character as a black man talking about his heightened awareness of his own mortality. This really resonated with me because I have never been someone who can …

Procrastination

I don’t like talking about future plans for two very distinct reasons. The first is the sense of accountability that brings. If I announce I’m going to save £10,000 by next September I know there will be someone on my neck on September 1st 2021 saying Where the money at bro? I don’t want a …

Attraction

Let me begin by saying the law of attraction is wild. Watching a YouTube video on incompatibility further illustrated this point. The video boiled down to a single statement is compatibility =/= attraction. That is you can be completely compatible with someone you don’t find attractive while at the same time attracted to someone who …

Conversations with myself #2

Inner me: Hey friend 👋🏾, it’s been a while. Me: Yeah you’re right we haven’t touched base like this in a while, how are you? Inner Me: I feel good, happier. At peace to be perfectly honest. How are you? Me: That’s so good to hear buddy 🙏🏾. I’m okay. Inner me: Don’t do that, …

Random thoughts #1

I love my friends. I feel like I don’t tell them enough. I appreciate them for who they are and I love to be a cheerleader for them. I don’t see all of them as much as I want. If I were to win the lottery I would buy an apartment and have all of …

The Club

It is the worst. I don’t say that hyperbolically. Whenever I find out that someone is a member of or just joining this club my heart breaks a little. We don’t have cool events, nice t-shirts or a club chant, we just share in an experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Losing a parent. …

Vicious cycle

As I write this I am tired. I am tired for a few reasons. First and foremost I do not get enough sleep. This whole lockdown period has been challenging for various reasons but one of the more noticeable differences for me has been my level of activity. I generally like to keep myself busy …

The Climb Back

I have been allowing perfectionism to stop me from sharing any work so I will be releasing new content for 30 days starting from today. Shout out to my interim agent for this challenge.  Today I’m going to talk about the Clippers. You might not be familiar with basketball so let me get you up …

The art of not caring

One of the first memories of dancing I have is being at a party and really enjoying myself. I think I was imitating Michael Jackson at the time (probably dead on) and all of a sudden I hear my mum say “Jor-Jor stop that bad Michael Jackson impression, you can’t dance”. Truth be told those …

What ifs

As I reminisced about a young romance, I realised something about myself. Something I have always known. I hate what ifs. As I've long since moved on I’ll share the story. Our location was primary school where the sun was shining, the birds chirping and I beaming as it was my birthday. I came to …

What is the hardest part of being a man

Before you start playing the world’s smallest violin, no I’m not throwing a pity party or feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I am attempting to do what often seems so foreign and alien to men, being vulnerable. I remember the day I was rejected for a graduate role at a company I thought I would …

Note to self

Hey Aharoun, How are you? I honestly hope you are good. I just wanted to tell you it's okay. You haven't been as consistent as you want to. Looking at your blog stresses you because it is another reminder of what you haven't done. Old posts are like rocks tied to your waist pulling you …

Emphathising with The Mad Titan

Soooo this is awkward. Like, I wish I could vanish awkward. Not the most awkward situation I can remember (that is a story for another day) but sub optimal if I’m honest. Instead of procrastinating any further, because its an unfortunate trait of mine, lets get into this. At the risk of sounding crazy, I …

JUST DO IT

First off I understand. For full disclosure, this isn't the first time I have tried to write this post (and I will address that soon) but JUST DO IT. Do what you may ask? The thing that has been on your mind to do, the thing that you want to, but are afraid to do …