Vicious cycle

As I write this I am tired. I am tired for a few reasons. First and foremost I do not get enough sleep. This whole lockdown period has been challenging for various reasons but one of the more noticeable differences for me has been my level of activity. I generally like to keep myself busy and active as I used to dance Salsa 2-3 times a week, visit the gym 4-5 times a week and play pick-up basketball occasionally once a week. That level of physical exertion made it easy for me to conk out at the end of the day. With my level of activity severely diminished, I have a lot of spare energy in the evenings that I haven’t burnt off so I go to sleep later and later and later still. 2 am has almost become my regular bedtime and I have frequently gone to bed as the light of the new day is starting to emerge. 

Another reason I’m tired is work. Working as a consultant is weird. You have a job but part of that job is finding a job (read that again). I’m thankful to be employed especially during this time but being candid I have been looking for a job at my job for a while now and its frustrating. I feel like my potential is being wasted and my zeal for the job eroding. Again I appreciate my good fortune but knowing the person I am, I know I grow and work best under pressure when I am in a position to work hard. I play up or down to my environment so being in one that is comfortable isn’t a good situation for me for an extended period of time. 

Your response to the paragraph if you are looking for a job.

Smaller but still a contributor to my tiredness is soreness. My neck has been sore for a few days now and although it is better than it has been it is still noticeable and the discomfort does not encourage me to be active which exasperates my first cause of tiredness as I elaborated on earlier. This soreness has additionally discouraged me from going to the gym because I have a history of not resting sufficiently and further aggravating injuries. Also because I don’t know if the soreness is coming from overtraining (as I have been using the same weights post lockdown as pre lockdown even though muscle deterioration probably occurred) or sleeping funny I have been playing basketball to compensate for the missed gym time. This led to me tweaking the middle finger of my off hand (left hand). Neither of these niggles are death knells by any stretch of the imagination but add to the general feeling of malaise. 

So what am I going to do about this I hear you ask? Well, I’m going to be kinder to myself. It is a tough time and my excess energy is probably exasperated by the anxious energy I have with things being so uncertain so I will look to add some certainty into my day by structuring my days and following a schedule. With work, I’m going to take a week off and remind myself what is within and what is outside of my control. And finally, I’m going to listen to my body and rest properly. I will do all of these things because I am tired of saying


Peace and Love,

Aharoun the Author


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