Attraction

Let me begin by saying the law of attraction is wild. Watching a YouTube video on incompatibility further illustrated this point. The video boiled down to a single statement is compatibility =/= attraction. That is you can be completely compatible with someone you don’t find attractive while at the same time attracted to someone who is completely incompatible with you.

Me when I deeped this.

This flies in the face of all the bullshit we are fed about conventional love. Things like “love conquers all”, “love is patient” and “love is all you need”. If you are fundamentally different in your needs there is no amount of being patient or love in general that will conquer that hurdle. It also made me think back to a conversation with my therapist. When I started dating, following my breakup over a year ago, she asked me what I was looking for and naively I said someone attractive. 

Rookie mistake.

When she pressed me for more it made me think and realise at that point that was all I had. Off the back of this realisation she encouraged me to put together a list of what  I wanted in a potential partner. The list would be made up of characteristics or core values that I thought were essential for her to have. Truth be told, I didn’t complete this homework but still found it puzzling that I was attracting good looking people that were not compatible with me for one reason or another. Eventually I put two and two together and having completed the exercise I am having much better results.

So why am I talking about the video if it sounds like I am aware of the compatibility =/= attraction conundrum. Just because you are aware of an issue, does not mean you are immune to it. On occasion, my attraction for someone overwhelms my ability to assess compatibility. Being someone who is accommodating (to a fault) I sometimes accept things I don’t like when I am blinded by infatuation or invested in a person which can land me in this trap. Think of this message as a PSA on attraction that can be returned to periodically. I would like to stress that attraction isn’t all bad. 

I remember when my Dad asked me what car I wanted next. I was in my final year of university, I hadn’t even taken my final exams or secured a job but this man was asking me about what car I wanted.

I swear Dad’s just be saying stuff sometimes.

I told him that wasn’t on my mind right now but he persisted in a charming way only he could. When I pondered on it. One car came to mind, “I want a BMW 1 series”. His eyes lit up and he immediately proclaimed he would go halves with me.

I’m still waiting for the half he spoke of 🤣

From that point onwards, whenever I was out driving I would see that car more and more. It was spooky, no sooner had I voiced my request was the universe proceeding to fill my space with my dream car. Despite this I still had no idea how I was going to get the car. Eventually I did graduate (First class gang) and secure a graduate job. These accomplishments as impressive as they were did not immediately come with cash. They did however inspired generosity from my extended family, my maternal grandfather in particular. I will never forget him offering me a graduation present and just like that the car of my dreams, which I had been seeing on a near daily basis, could and then was purchased by me. 

This phenomenon of attraction is not limited to merely big things, I also see it in the everyday. As soon as I started twisting my hair I started seeing so many more people, in many walks of life, doing so. With the last two instances I don’t believe the number of BMWs or black men with longer hair increased but my awareness of them did. As I subconsciously wanted something either I was attracted to it or it was attracted to me and as a result I saw it more.

Thoughts become words which become actions which become habits which become values which become your destiny. 

The caveat is that this can be positive or negative. Your world can be as big or small as you desire. I hope you join me today in thinking bigger, more positive thoughts to reach the amazing destiny you dream of that may seem far away now but is closer than you think.

Peace and Love,

Aharoun the Author

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