And just like that my day is ruined
I saw your name on my phone and smiled but then I saw the message
I AM CONFUSION
I read and re-read to try and make sense of what you’re saying
“… lets be friends”
That line stings because although we were friendly, we were never friends
My affection and desire for you has always been clear
I message friends to make sense of this
“you should forget about her”
“I don’t like this”
“maybe she’s right”
I’m reaching out for a lifeline that I know deep down I won’t find
Incredulity turns to pain as the realisation of your words is finally hitting home
Another failed talking stage, another situationship aborted, another scar on my heart
I start to wonder what is wrong with me, what did I do to cause this, was I not nice enough, not funny enough, not sexy enough, not good enough
Thoughts fill my mind to its brim
So many shouting for attention, I can’t think straight
Hungry I go to the kitchen to make food where I am greeted by my Mum
Knowing me better than I know myself she can see my hidden distress
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing (everything).”
“Really what’s wrong?”
And before I know it I am talking about some other disappointment weighing on my heart but my body betrays me as I start to leak
Men don’t cry – that old lie
In between my narration of the half of the story I choose to tell her I allow myself to break down and feel the full weight of the loss
The heart doesn’t know the difference between a relationship and situationship, the divorce feels all the same
She shares her wisdom and can tell I’m not giving the full story but doesn’t pry
I keep your indiscretion from her because despite it all
I remain an optimist
No need for me to sully her opinion of you for what could be a momentary blip
Talk over I go to lie down but my head is still hot
Cheeks flushed due to the stress
Persistent I close my eyes to rest but my mind won’t
So I open up my laptop to distill this storm of emotions on to page
Because
what happens on Earth, stays on Earth
And I can’t take these feelings with me, so hopefully they disperse
Over this long poem, written all in a haste
Wondering if I’m just going wrong or its all in my taste.
Peace and Love,
Aharoun the Author
Aharoun the author 